just the beginning

Notes from an aspiring grandmother Having noted, in retrospect, my sense of calling for the position of mother of you dearest children and my voracious appetite for the tools to complete the job for the glory of God, my grandmothering journey is quite the opposite. I do not feel a calling or a sense of imminence for this providence to be cast upon me. Somehow, it makes me feel old to imagine it. I am old. I want to participate in the continuance of our Walker portion of the family, but I don’t want to be old! Nana, Granny, GIGI, etc. Not one of these terms is a flattering title. It would be an honor, for sure, but I am now in the interviewing stage from my children for my qualifications for becoming the grandmother to their children. I know that my activities will be scrutinized profusely, if I’m allowed access to these fledgelings at all. Proverbs 31 Who can find a virtuous woman? Who can be a virtuous grandma? The heart of her children will safely trust in her that she will do them good and not evil all the days. That is a tough hoe to trow. I know you guys trust me, but I am not sure our standards are the same. I commit to try and follow your convictions as closely as I can, but you guys have such diversity of eating standards and spanking standars prior to even having your children that I am not sure I can keep up. I am counting on my fingers my personal priorities for Grandmothering. I. Shame Pastor Flake preached about that this past Sunday. Early exposure to God’s Word is very important to me. Singing and saying the scripture in the infant’s hearing is so impressive to the soul, in my experience. Babies will have a world coming at them in many different ways and the earlier that they have exposure to God’s Word, the greater the ability to train their reflexes to choose good and reject evil. It is hard for mature people to navigate these times of swift exposure to evil and mature thought. Preparation and preservation must begin at birth. This is not about the anticipated grandchildren that God will send, this is about my fitness for office. I love that you commissioned this thesis and I love that my waiting for the fruition has made me question my fitness. God’s word says, “You have not because you ask not and you ask amiss that you may spend it upon your lusts” {semi paraphrased}. I don't ask, is true. But I don’t think I am one of those who is seeking to spend my grands on my lust. I do relish the thought of loving them as extensions of my children but God knows I don’t have expectations of doting on them or bragging as we know that I will. I am just saying God knows my heart!

just Because you asked, the imaginary and real visit to Aunt Jackie's House

 Two yodels and a bag of chips!

Memories flood when you enter a familiar older home.  I love that Chin was fainting, because that meant the ladies could gossip incorrigibly, in the context of joys and griefs that bind us together.  This is what is great about my life and this is what sucks is always the topic of fraternal septuplets.  If Abby were here, I would be the first to jump out of my seat, true or false is the special unspoken reference, always in our eyes, but never uttered for fear of deluge.  “Oh well, who is your favorite child this season and grandchild, if you have one?”  who is your least favorite one and sister?  You, because you don’t call or come by.  Yup? Me, too!  I hate you today, because you look so pretty and I feel so old.  Can you still spit as far?  I will beat you up the stairs today, because I wore my tapes.  I am totally crippled without them.   And, I love you today, because you are such a good example of empowering young people to grow and raise even the most special children in your home…   when moving over in the bed means sleeping on the floor for an extended season,  You are the champions of that and I am in awe of your skill in that area.   I don’t know how you do it, for sure.  You are in my prayers and you know that I don’t have to prove that to you.  You are in my silence and my words.

A very special butterfly came and yelled at me to go to Jackie’s house and that is why I went.  There is not enough time in any day to talk through the what ifs and why nots.  Just seeing your face is enough, in person.  The phone can’t tell me what I learned coming to visit you and the rest that dear butterfly gossiped in my ear.  Who knew butterflies were gossips too?

 

 Okay, bye till next time!

If you ain't MUCHU?

On the subject of Muchu:

If you ain’t Muchu, you ain’t “suchu”!

I like your attention to detail on the subject of books on Muchu.  You know that is not really my interest base, except for the fact that it interests you.  What is my interest is the investment of information, buying books and adding to your information base; both for entertainment and for employ or usefulness.   

Some people think the acquisition of info is just for the making of money.  We are those who are made in the image of God and that means that each person is desirous to reach toward infinity in their chosen field of study.  The dark ages of the internet has muddied the water of knowledge to deceive us into letting another device hold the information while we have fun.  That is not healthy, to put it mildly.  The mind must be daily sharpened by rigorous daily activity and practices.  Just like the body, the mind must be exercised.  I enjoyed learning about an artist, with whom I had no real exposure to before, although he is a major part of your life.  I love that you were jealous for him in his being accurately and thoroughly depicted.   Maybe that is your job, or your mission.   I challenge you to use my ignorance on the subject to educate me, please?

 

Happy Birthday Ethan

 

Happy Easter

 

Aunt Ann died yesterday

Aunt Ann and my Mom taught me, cousins are for kissing and cousins are for fighting with!  

I miss you already Aunt Ann.

I miss seeing how to create conflicts and how to rectify conflicts between you and my mommy.  they are at it again, I used to think quietly to myself.  The religious perspective and the human perspective were always at odds in our extended family.  Learning to let the human perspective direct the religious perspective and the religious perspective temper the passions was a lifelong study of mine watching my mommy and her first cousin always lovingly wrestling through the issues of the family and the life that we were enjoying.

People have needs, you always knew.  It was never about you.  It was always about getting the job done.  You truly got the job done.  Absolutely the most efficient woman in my life.  Mu said jump and you were in the air before any of us could hear her touch the last consonant of p.  I loved seeing that as a little child.  I loved watching you care for your children and godchild and nieces and nephews and mother with determine and focus.  You were really one of the best people we have known.  An agitator and militantly caring woman, you were.  You went out of your way to love people 

For the beauty of the Twelve Days of Christmas

Dear Ethan,

I am so grateful for your delightful gift of Vanilla scented candles depicting the 12 days of Christmas.  It is so important to number our days, but we are not so closely reminded of this except at Christmas time.  It is amazing how we think about how many days until the wonderful day that we celebrate each year.

I am 21170 days old, just about and you are only 7265 years old, give or take a few days or so.

ON my first attempt at mothering I got a girl and then a boy and then a girl and then a boy and then a girl and then YOU!  It took 6 tries to get an Ethan and I hope you remember that in your every attempt at things.  It takes a lot of tries to get to a delightful combination of things.  I am not saying you need to have 6 or 7 children, but do not despise the beauty of the large family dynamic.  Don’t despise the beauty of the things that happen when a very large group of people live under a single purpose and lifestyle.  You are a wonderful expression of the love between your father and I and I am very glad that I didn’t let the world’s idea of family guide my life.  I am grateful for having gone back to the drawing board in parenting in my late thirties and early forties.  I thought I was crazy.  But you are a wonderful love of my life, that I wouldn’t have had, if I hadn’t run that extra mile.  I am not at all sorry.  You are amazing!

I hope that you are inspired to live up to your name ETHAN and sing of the mercies of the Lord forever in Psalm 89.  I hope that you are inspired to seek out God’s journey for you, in earnest.  Go at it with gusto!  Not just money acquiring or working, but your drawing and your study and your music and your puzzles!  I love my card!  Keep up the great work and know that I am grateful to have spent the last 7000 days getting to know you!  

Jayne Camille Walker

Love MOM

"Read the book of Ezekiel and lets talk"