We're coming a long way, baby. Thank you, Mr. Wilson for a great concert.

What, My Son?

Fifteen seems to diminish the questioning. I miss it somehow. All of the pepper that was from 5 years old to 14, grow into a commanding personality. I am grateful for the sermons on "Solomon's School" that prepared me for this. The old pastor strongly reproved the young men for the attitude that they naturally would have toward their aging mother. I said to myself, how could a "godly" young man develop such an attitude and still be in the "wisdom" school at home. I see now, my son through your and your elder brother's behavior. I watch you hold yourself back from reproving your parents and sometimes stumble because you see our flaws very clearly. Asking the questions and answering them was a much more comfortable season. God give us grace to live peaceably, in spite of ourselves. I love you and you love me! God grant us to submit to God rightly, in Jesus' Name.

15 there is certainly never a wish better than this...

Write Rites or Write Rights?

Hats off to the two of you. I call it a Rite that you would go through the corn maze in the pitch black of the night. I consider it a rite of passage into adulthood.

For me, it was a daily maze through the tunnels of NY. Past neighborhoods and faces of every hue and all strangers. Don't Talk to ...? I think I sang that as a song to myself in my traverse of looking through the nameless millions of people I passed. It was so ingrained that there were a group of 3 ladies that we saw everyday who gave me a gift for graduation because they knew us. I was so touched and never even said hello. I am a part of you, their gift said. You are a part of me and we are a part of this huge metropolis and still lovingly silent, because we didn't accost one another on the way. Or trip oneanother here or there. We picked eachother up. This is a dark place, the subway. This is an unfriendly city, but we are who we are and it is only unfriendly to the misunderstanding and strangers.? Don't talk to...?

Even with the bitter experience of the subway, some phobias hold me captive to my nerves. Be reasonable? That is a sin, they preach. Overcome it and get over your past? Maybe? God will show us the way through the subway of our nervous systems. You who are strong ought to bear the infirmity of the weak. I see God showing us that the "Fear of God" is the beginning of wisdom. Let us Write and Right and Rite ourselves through the cornfield of our limitations into the liberty of Personal Ability and agility and Ascendancy. One more step from a "Sophomore" to a "Junior".! Hooray for you!

"I am 15 and I am a Moron, but I won't always be a Moron, I will become a Sophisticated Man, one day. Those are the wings you are breaking in this puzzle." mom

Picture day for Ethan! I get by with a little help from my dad!

Hans Brinker, Reading number one---Note the relationship between the windmills in Hans and the "Don Quijote" Windmills? Significance? Ezekiel? Wheels?

Questions and concourses Hans Brinker St. Nicholas' Pickled children and chapter 3 Kidnapped. in such a pickle... Christmas' How did St. Nicholas unpickle the deadness of the children? Joy to the World??

I love forever the stage of development that is sophomoric!

We pass through it, ever so briefly{hopefully}only to get to the other side with both foolishness and wisdom still in two different hands. Why did I ask so many questions only to forget the answers and do as I pleased anyway? is the question of the sophomore. As I have told you many times, they pinched us and smacked questions out of our mouths, much of the time. Children should be seen and not heard. We had to find answers to our questions. I don't know if they didn't know the answer, but we were warned of asking too many questions.

This morning your questions took me into Freshman year of my life and I can only find those days in my mind's eye, when I look at my face in masculine your face at the same season of life. It's amazing how many things are lost to the aging process. When I see you with the same expressions, I remember what made me make that face.

Well, I told you of the day I got lost on Gravesend Blvd. in Brooklyn. I was sure that some monster would eat me there. What peace I got from calling home, was lost when I heard the screaming and futility of the entire house that I was under the elevated train in a completely foreign location. Eventually, I found my way through the fear and craze of my own imagination. Eventually, I got home and learned about turnstyles and grated exits and entrances on the train. I never really wanted to talk to the conductor or the token taker, we were warned, ever so strongly against talking to strangers. If I got lost or turned around, I would find a map and locate where I was and find my way where I was going. Mostly this was underground, remember. If I had a dime in my pocket, which eventually became a quarter to use a payphone, what could my family do to help me? So might as well keep the dime, in case you find a quarter on the ground and can buy a candybar to satiate your aching tummy. That was my thinking, anyway.

Wisdom in one hand and foolishness in the other hand of the sophomore. This is only if your parents had the forethought to spank the foolishness out of your heart into your hands. Is this a wise or foolish thing to my way of thinking seems the labyrinth of second year of High School? Can I get away with it? That is the thinking of the permissively reared youngster. Will it call down the hounds of hell to come up out of the ground and eat me alive, is the fear of God planted deeply in the sensitive soul? We saw those hounds in our minds eye and they were bigger than our father's huge whip. I would rather face the whip than the hounds of my imagination. I'd say that is the beginning of discouragement in the over whipped heart.

Father's provoke not!

Don't try that, it will eat you. Don't do that it will kill you. etc. Right and left hand thinking, where is wisdom and where is foolishness. I call this letters from next Tuesday, because they often promised to beat you into next Tuesday. Now that I've woken up next Tuesday, I can see this, now can't I.

AN egg, toast on the first day and a hug on the second day...

"How long will I get this kind of treatment?" was the gist of the question of the day, yesterday. How long indeed? No egg this morning, Day 1.5 as you called it. Mom was under the weather. A big hug was rejuvenating for you and for me as we all process life with sister away.

Cold cereal will carry you through the morning and the hug will help us cope with the tender emotions we are feeling right now. Thank you, son!

Look at Psalm 2:2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying,..{Don't fight or switch, Ask of the Lord...}

Is any king great enough to break the bands of God? No.

How many a king and great one sets his authority above the authority of the Lord? There are those whose kingdoms are godly and those whose kingdoms are not. A shameful position to be in, but a real quandry for the ones whose lot is to contend for dominions.

“We didn’t start the fire!”{Billy Joel reminds us} we inherited this struggle. Sometimes we think we are fighting for our inheritance and our father’s honor. God calls us, wherever we are in the struggle, to look at who or what we are fighting for. Jesus calls us o'er the tumult Of our life's wild, restless sea, Day by day His sweet voice soundeth, Saying, "Christian, follow Me."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As of old apostles heard it By the Galilean lake, Turned from home and toil and kindred, Leaving all for His dear sake.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jesus calls us from the worship Of the vain world's golden store, From each idol that would keep us, Saying, "Christian, love Me more."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In our joys and in our sorrows, Days of toil and hours of ease, Still He calls in cares and pleasures, "Christian, love Me more than these."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jesus calls us: by Thy mercies, Saviour, may we hear Thy call, Give our hearts to Thine obedience, Serve and love Thee best of all.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rich young ruler shows us Jesus' fond affection for righteous endeavors. Am I going to inherit the kingdom, if I have done so much for it’s people? What else could I have done? Is there another labor to accomplish? That isn’t the question. It is not about adorning the gospel and the kingdom of Christ with your rich presence.

Come, ye sinners, poor and needy, Weak and wounded, sick and sore; Jesus ready stands to save you, Full of pity, love and pow'r; He is able He is able, He is able He is willing; doubt no more! He is willing; doubt no more!

Come, ye needy, come and welcome; God's free bounty glorify; True belief and true repentance, Ev'ry grace that brings you nigh, Without money Without money, Without money, Come to Jesus Christ and buy! Come to Jesus Christ and buy!

Let not conscience make you linger Nor of fitness fondly dream; All the fitness He requireth Is to feel your need of Him: This He gives you— This He gives you— This He gives you— 'Tis the Spirit's glimm'ring beam! 'Tis the Spirit's glimm'ring beam!

Come, ye weary, heavy laden, Bruised and broken by the fall; If you tarry till you're better, You will never come at all: Not the righteous Not the righteous Not the righteous Sinners Jesus came to call; Sinners Jesus came to call.

Lo! th'incarnate God ascended, Pleads the merit of His blood; Venture on Him, venture wholly, Let no other trust intrude; None but Jesus, None but Jesus, None but Jesus Can do helpless sinners good. Can do helpless sinners good.

I love Teddy Roosevelt’s character personified in history, as an example of American and New York ambition. There are those whose ambition and grit adorn history by it’s deeply set. I identify with Teddy sometimes. Always shaking the status quo, was he. His quote in England was about hating that royalty was so much a given he wanted to tear it down and take over. That is the American way, sometimes.

Just tear it down. Not God’s dominion is to be torn down, not at all. Submission to providence, that is deeply engrained in the North Carolina way is the antithesis of Teddy Rooseveltish religiosity. A militant progression of takeover. Not that!

Like stairs coming down from the attic, what Jesus said to the rich young ruler was submit to the authority of Christ, for Christ’s sake. Not for the authority that buying and having can get you. If Christ is your authority, He gets the Glory and you are loved by Christ, whomever you are, rich or poor.

The ambition that God attends is the ambition to see godliness passed on as an inheritance. Codifying the truths and pressing them home into the soul. Life with Father--{Jayne interpretation through the sieve of loving the angry father in my life} chapter 1 Clarence Day said there is one thing my father taught me and that is that the opposite of materialism is not savagery and cowboy living, it is godliness with contentment that is great gain, {instructed Mrs. Day}. An amazing discovery. We are to sharpen the inheritances of faith that we have received. We do not discover Christ anew, every generation, we grow more deeply and find greater ways to pass His love along to the next generation. Follow me as I follow Christ…He is the fountain!

On how we love the older women in our lives?

I really think that it is a man’s responsibility to referee between the generations of women that

God has blessed him with. There is a salvation to be won. She shall be saved. Future tense. Some generations have it easy. Some not so easy. He has to instruct younger to respect and grow to live with even the most difficult of mothers, after he has bandaged up her scars from the battle that they have cut and scarred eachother in. Now healing is going to be in reconciliation and forgiveness.

In my Opinion!

There is nothing more fulfilling in a man’s ministry than seeing some of the sins of the mothers not repeated in his daughters. Dwell with her according to knowledge. She is scarred and burned. She needs healing. She is strong and confident she need molding and sharpening. He has a responsibility to fit her for service on earth and heaven at last.

She shall be saved.

Future tense. She may not be saved on this side of heaven, {I think may be implied perhaps} the deception is so rampant and pervasive. She may be deceived that she has forgiven others and been forgiven and she is just walking with harbored grudges. God only knows how many women have devoutly entered hell with just such a deception.

She shall be saved by grace through faith. Not the appearance of faith. Not the ignorance of sin. Repentance and faith. We are so religious and yet so often deceivedly devout.

I imagine that Herodias, herself was a very religious woman and yet she was the enemy of John the Baptist and probably brought his head to her god as a sacrifice. Deceived in religion. We have sects of supposed Christendom that are akin to these deceptions and so many women fall prey to them. Help us Holy Ghost.

A few dollars in my pocket and chance to treat the family, for once!

I do love how you trudged across the street to take advantage of a sale on our delightful family treats. It is not easy to find something that we all like that you can afford on your meager, occasional salary from mowing at Uncle T's. You told me the story of not really watching as you crossed the street. I must be more careful, you said. I certainly agree that you children go the wrong way to the store, as I see it. But, if you are going to cross that street that way, you certainly, need to watch very carefully. You're not a baby!

4 for 7 dollars were the granola bars that we Walker family all agree are the very best there is. You took my card VIC card and I can't find it now, so you must still have it. You rang it up yourself at self service and it came up to 9$. You didn't have 9 dollars, you only had 8 dollars with you. What shall I do? At your age, I probably would have fled the store and just not bought them, saying, that I must have been mistaken about the sign that said that so clearly. Not you. You bravely asked the attendant after feeling like it was your error. You counted and recounted your eight dollars to see if it might add up to 9 by some miraculous means, and it didn't. But the price was right that you saw. It was 7 dollars and you had the privilege of treating your entire family to a delightful snack that lasted a couple of days. You loved doling them out as requested, especially when your younger brother asks you. The chance to be the providing big brother made you feel significant and I am glad that it did.

You will have many a chance to be a big fellow, but none as significant as the first time.

Done With Freshman Year? So Soon?

I already see the Sophomoric mindset blossoming from your Cerebellum. You wrestle folly and you wrestle wisdom and you win some and lose some. I have to say you are my more verbal folly wrestler and I enjoy the playful banter that we are able to engage in, now that your vocabulary has grown into your thinking somewhat. I am watching the blooming reasoning and the sieves that you place idea and thoughts through in your journey to manhood. Freshman year behind you, what do you want to be? I should say.

Ezra 8:23 NO! Ezra didn't eat 23...

Smack! Smack! Christian's Daily Walk I was perusing and smack! "Ezra 8:23" Right across the face! I said let me look this up and see what God could be smacking me with today. A FAST! Not on a feast day, Lord? Why me? I should be fasting, He said. Here you are about to go to the first summer party of the year and God directs you to Ezra 8:23. God is good and our conversation about this was helpful to us both. I missed the last party at Ms. Sherry's house, so I certainly couldn't miss this one. I do love her so much, but I do hate crowds also. I could have used this verse to subjectively lean on my own understanding and stay home. That is not what God was saying. Watch your health and be prayerful was the translation. Fasting is a call to come closer to God. Don't be subjective in "cracking the Bible". Be studious. Smack from mom! Not a real smack, just a reminder to watch your steps. "Walk circumspectly". Love taps. (You know that!)

Please Back off, Mom! I know what you mean.

Great concert, Ethan. May I just have one more picture of you on the stage? Could you pose for me, maybe? I really didn't get the picture that I wanted to get and I didn't get the sound just right on the Prometheus number. I am a pest, I know. But, know that it is in love that I pester on those occasions. I had a pestering Grandmother. She was way more beautiful than anyone that I have ever met and she outshined us all, but she always was there to photograph our moments when she should have been the one in the photo. I saw her bunny in the sky on the way to the concert and it was as though the sky was a quilt that she had stitched by hand for me. God is the lender of every love that we enjoy. He put that bunny there to remind me of the tremendous recipient that I have been of all of the bunny hops of love enjoyed over the years. This is Ethan's turn to receive the bunny quilt. Usually it is Helen that reminds me of your days. This time it was Grandma Monica herself that I remembered. I am very grateful that she didn't back-off when I wanted her to also:) Love you and keep on clarinetting!

Easter at Freedom Park

Yesterday, Sunday Morning kind of loving conversation?

How do you feel about your weight?

I didn’t say, what do you mean by that? Somehow you knew by my silence. I lament the limitation age makes on our communication, but it is part of learning respect for elders and sensitivity to the “weaker vessels”.

Oh how the antipathy to children questioning is somewhat inherited and somewhat imitated. We were never to ask a single question of the elders in our lives. There was always a hand to the mouth coming here and there at questions like that. Not your weight, he quickly corrected, the weight that I found for you. You haven’t used your weights in a while, have you. You don’t have more than one do you? That is when the look on my face was his block that we used to have both hands in front of the face, when we asked those kinds of questions should we ever have had the temerity to converse with the elders on such things.

Gram, how old was Aunt Iva in that picture? I said this with Baby Ethan in my hands. The women took on the spirit of the Brooklyn hoodlums, from which we all have sprung. Never mind. I see that I am still not woman enough to ask such things. I didn’t realize that it was such a serious error.

Thank you for finding my weight and thank you for tripping the switch to my unmortified hoodlum woman, so that I could see her in stark reality. I love you for seeing her and for loving me anyway.

Wisdom Come.

Someone was preaching on Ecc.

I can’t remember who it was. I had never thought of the writings of Solomon as anything but scripture as I believe it to be and am convinced of. But, on the human side he pointed out that Solomon said that he had experimented with folly , attempting to keep his wits about him. It seemed to say that he felt that his quest in life was to try different pleasures and advertise them to the people as safe or unsafe enjoyments. That he was looking for things constantly to treat people with, whom he loved, by trying them himself. I hadn’t really thought that this was the confession of the Ecclesiastes.

Time spent in wisdom and folly and what was the reward of such. All may fail us, but Jesus never, as the hymn says. If you have the time and the means to accommodate yourself of such felicities what is it for? All of life is not spiritual. All of life is not in meditations. Solomon’s wisdom was that he seemed aware of such and had neat compartments for the various remedies for his rule and stress and availed himself as much of the remedies as he did of the ruling.

Some do the opposite. They study little. They rule little. They talk and enjoy a lot. What, My Son… Don’t give your strength to …all enjoyments. Don’t lose yourself to them. Learn what they are for and keep them in the right compartments.

So Glad you shared your grades...

I would have gotten to them, eventually, I am sure... Sometimes mothers are so busy they wait until the grade doctor hits them in the head with the grades. You are not doing as badly as I'd imagined. I know that you are applying yourself to the task, but the task is a very daunting one. I buried my head in the sand of hopeful anticipation that "no news was good news?" I think it rang true this time. I wasn't too disappointed. I think you are really "hitting that ball" so to speak. {as we say in Bodden "lingo"} I was truly pleased. Thanks for trusting me with that part of yourself, unrequested. Love, Mommy.