just the beginning

Notes from an aspiring grandmother Having noted, in retrospect, my sense of calling for the position of mother of you dearest children and my voracious appetite for the tools to complete the job for the glory of God, my grandmothering journey is quite the opposite. I do not feel a calling or a sense of imminence for this providence to be cast upon me. Somehow, it makes me feel old to imagine it. I am old. I want to participate in the continuance of our Walker portion of the family, but I don’t want to be old! Nana, Granny, GIGI, etc. Not one of these terms is a flattering title. It would be an honor, for sure, but I am now in the interviewing stage from my children for my qualifications for becoming the grandmother to their children. I know that my activities will be scrutinized profusely, if I’m allowed access to these fledgelings at all. Proverbs 31 Who can find a virtuous woman? Who can be a virtuous grandma? The heart of her children will safely trust in her that she will do them good and not evil all the days. That is a tough hoe to trow. I know you guys trust me, but I am not sure our standards are the same. I commit to try and follow your convictions as closely as I can, but you guys have such diversity of eating standards and spanking standars prior to even having your children that I am not sure I can keep up. I am counting on my fingers my personal priorities for Grandmothering. I. Shame Pastor Flake preached about that this past Sunday. Early exposure to God’s Word is very important to me. Singing and saying the scripture in the infant’s hearing is so impressive to the soul, in my experience. Babies will have a world coming at them in many different ways and the earlier that they have exposure to God’s Word, the greater the ability to train their reflexes to choose good and reject evil. It is hard for mature people to navigate these times of swift exposure to evil and mature thought. Preparation and preservation must begin at birth. This is not about the anticipated grandchildren that God will send, this is about my fitness for office. I love that you commissioned this thesis and I love that my waiting for the fruition has made me question my fitness. God’s word says, “You have not because you ask not and you ask amiss that you may spend it upon your lusts” {semi paraphrased}. I don't ask, is true. But I don’t think I am one of those who is seeking to spend my grands on my lust. I do relish the thought of loving them as extensions of my children but God knows I don’t have expectations of doting on them or bragging as we know that I will. I am just saying God knows my heart!