the challenge of parenting

The Challenge of Parenting {sundry thoughts about my appalling attempt to raise children and the joy that they gave me, in spite of myself? We always wanted to be parents, your father and I. We studied, believe it or not. We read books and went to seminars and listened to sermon after sermon about parenting and what God says it is supposed to look like. Head knowledge is alot different from the real thing. When the baby comes, the real game begins. Each child tries and strengthens your resolve and dissolves your nerves and your confidence. Unlike sports competitions where you gain confidence in the continued competitions. Each child makes you wonder about yourself and why you got involved in this, in the first place. My Ethan was the very first baby that I knew that I needed pain relief. Yes, I was stupid for all those years. Attempting to endure the unendurable. This is why now, I tolerate no pain in my body for any reason. In anticipation of a headache, I take a pill. You were a delightfully non painful delivery. Still, the body goes through all of the things it has to to get the body out, but the pain has subsided and the mental anguish of will this get any worse is out of the picture. I loved it, I loved the anesthesia and I loved you for allowing me the privilege of going through this procedure painlessly and seamlessly. I thought that could never happen. It happened when you were born. Let’s just get one thing clear, you aren’t my favorite because of what we’ve been through together, but yours is my favorite birth memory to return to and I am glad that babies don’t have a memory of the birth because they might hold that against us parents, in one way or another. What to Expect, When You're Expecting was our go to book for pre pre parenting help. I lived in it, like my bible for the whole nine months. Your father preferred to wing it and he often thought that I was making up my symptoms to coincide with what the book told me would happen. Ie. vivid dreams in the 7th month, cravings for items unusual, pre labor pains. Every pregnancy followed the book on these items, with rarely a turn out of the prescribed experience. Babies are born every day and it is amazing that so many of them are normal and healthy. You were a normal healthy baby boy and busy and curious and contagiously funny. Still are. Each child is a parenting experience all his own. I am trying to focus, just on the parenting of my Ethan. Individual and only the one of a kind slim jim of our family. I wouldn’t trade one moment of our exciting and exclusively mother and child relationship. I love everyone of my children, but this story is requested by Ethan and just about my Ethan. I hope you know that. As I compile the sundry thoughts and as I sift through the flotsam of memories that are part of the ocean of your life, please be patient with the many bits of advice and the nonsensical ramblings of a proud mama at the accomplishments and growth of the man that you’ve become. I am proud of you and I am grateful that you still give me the opportunity to contribute to your growth. I will never get over the miracle of the individual that you are and I can never take any credit for that. God is great at answering prayer and you are certainly more than I could have prayed for as a man, when the doctor said, “its a boy!” From earlier blogposts